


My Hopeless Dream

by Chrisio



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Gen, Hamburr, I guess???, Kissing, Moral Dilemmas, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt, Unhappy Ending, in which I still don't know how to write drunk people, uhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 10:29:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13588164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrisio/pseuds/Chrisio
Summary: After a night out on the town, Alex is left to take Aaron home. Everything's going fine, until that great big fat crush of his decides to rear its ugly head.Drunk Aaron doesn't make things better, either.





	My Hopeless Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to apologize for three things: 
> 
> (1.) If it's OOC. I don't know how how to write drunk characters
> 
> (2.) What???? Is kissing?????? ??????????????
> 
> (3.) If there's mistakes. I think I got everything, but it's unedited. Please excuse me

Dim light filters through the windows, dyeing the interior of the vehicle and its occupants a rainbow of colors before they flicker away. It's interesting, the way the blue and white and yellow from LED signs can alter things ever-so-slightly, and as the cab winds its way further through the streets of New York City, Alexander Hamilton finds himself watching how the light plays across the fabric of the taxi seats. Orange light floods in, blinding him momentarily, and his head turns to look for the source.

Must be the streetlights.

He can't tell for sure, though -- he can't move that much right now. The reason behind his inability hums softly, and Alex's attention is diverted from the window to the man leaning against him. From what he can tell, Aaron's beginning to doze off again, and Alex shifts the tiniest amount so that he can be more comfortable. His arm is starting to fall asleep from how it's wrapped around Burr's shoulders, but he doesn't even think of taking it away -- Aaron looks way too peaceful, way too relaxed, and it would be a crime to disrupt him. Besides, if Alex accurately assesses the hangover headache he'll have when he wakes up in the morning, Burr needs all the sleep he can get. It'll only help, right?

His arm is beginning to tingle for real now, disrupting his thoughts. Sighing, Alex shifts again, trying to get some blood into it without waking Burr up. When that doesn't work, he resigns himself to a numb arm for the next few minutes and goes back to watching the light. It's interesting, the way it differs between something like a car seat and someone's skin. On inanimate objects, the light just falls, allowing the object to be seen before falling back into shadow. On skin though....he sees Aaron glowing, the orange streetlamps making him warm and sunny, smoothing out the frown lines on his face into something much more relaxed. And when there isn't orange light, blue and green and white from LED signs illuminate from behind, giving him a halo effect. Without his usual chatter, Alex is just left to watch, absolutely mesmerized. Aaron's turned into a painting, one absolutely impossible to recreate, and he's absolutely  _stunning._

 _God_ , he had it bad. Comparing people to paintings, how sappy could you get? He smiles though, looking back down at Aaron. "Why do I love you?" he murmurs softly, somewhat exasperated as his thumb rubs circles into the tough fabric of Burr's jacket. As usual, his question is left unanswered. This time, however, Burr isn't giving him a small smile and some structured, content-lacking response. Instead, this time he hums sleepily, wiggling as he snuggles closer and finds a more secure spot to rest his head against Alex. It's enough, though, and Alex finds himself smiling fondly as he continues rubbing circles into Aaron's shoulder. The car ride passes with a few more minutes of silence before Alex begins to get his bearings. He shifts in place, knowing they'll pull up to Aaron's apartment building soon. 

"Aaron," he murmurs, nudging his friend. Aaron frowns for a second, humming grumpily before trying to get resituated. Instead of allowing him, Alex just snorts in good humor, elbowing him again. The car slows down, pulling up to a sidewalk curb and parking. "No, come on, Burr. You can't go back to sleep. We're here."

Aaron stirs, grumbling. His head raises, and Alex's chest physically _hurts_  at the expression on Burr's face. His eyes are big and glassy and sleepy, and his lips are parted ever-so-slightly, and...oh.

_Oh._

That  _look._

Alex  _wants_  him. He  _wants_  to kiss Aaron so badly, wants to reassure him softly that it's okay, everything's okay, to just follow him inside....but he can't. He can't, because that's intimate. That's something meant for lovers, and God knows they were never gonna cross that bridge. Shaking his head, Alex forces himself back into reality. No point in pining now -- there was no chance of anything happening. He was absolutely certain of that. But still....it was nice to dream.

"Come on," he encourages again, gently pushing Aaron off of him. "We gotta go." Burr grumbles but understands, one hand rubbing at his face while the other feels for the knob. He gets out as Hamilton pays the driver, and soon they're both walking through the lobby of Aaron's apartment building, slowly but surely making their way up the stairs. There's more than one time Alex has to catch Aaron, steadying him before they continue their way up, but after a few minutes they manage to stumble their way up to the correct floor and in front of Aaron's apartment. Alex watches as Aaron squints at the number, apparently having to confirm that yes, they're at the right place, before he slowly reaches into his pocket, hand fumbling for the keys. It takes so long, it's actually concerning. Once the fabled keys finally make an appearance outside the lining of Burr's jacket Alex actually plucks them out of his hands, not trusting Aaron to unlock the door without having to take 10 minutes lining the key up with the lock. Oh God, not even taking into account finding the correct one-

But that doesn't matter, as the lock in the door clicks and Alex pushes the door open. The pair shuffle in, and Burr wobbles dangerously as he tries toeing his shoes off. Alex snorts softly, affection rising in his chest as he sees the concentration so evident on Aaron's face, but he slips close by, allowing Aaron to use him for balance. "Figure you should probably just go to bed," he suggests, and Aaron doesn't give words, humming sleepily in reply. Alex smiles, and soon he's guiding Aaron down the hall to his bedroom. Once they're there, they move off to opposite sides, routine falling into place: Aaron starts undressing, and Alex hands pajamas off to him. He doesn't seem to be too wasted to need help changing this time, and Alex thanks his lucky stars tonight that Aaron can get into pajamas with only a decent amount of stumbling around.

"Thanks," he mumbles, and Alex smiles as he steps away.

"Yeah, no problem. It'd suck if you like, died trying to pull on your pants."

Aaron glances up at him, hesitating, causing Alex's smile to fade away. Alex tilts his head, frowning. Shit, was that in poor taste? He didn't think so -- but then again, who knows? Better make sure. "What's wrong?"

Burr blinks, looking away for a moment. "Nothing," he says quickly. "Just-" He glances back up, eyes curious and somewhat....shy. "...c'n I kiss you?"

The question hits like a blow to the gut. Alex feels the breath leave him, and for a moment he sputters, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. "....w-...what?" he finally stutters. Leave it to Burr to leave him breathless, even when stumbling drunk.

"You," he states matter-of-factly. He must have grown more confident in the second after saying that, because somehow he stands unfazed at the fact Alex is stuck speechless. It was like he didn't just drop a bombshell that Alex  _still_  wasn't sure he heard correctly. Wait, no.....he did kinda look a little pleased with himself. Fricking  _asshole_. "Can I kiss you?"

Alex's thought process screeches to a halt so fast, he's surprised he doesn't actually hear brakes squealing. Kiss him??? What- where- why  _how???_  How did Drunk Aaron-.... _why_  did he even ask-??? "Whhhy?" He asks, dragging the question out in confusion. Aaron just shrugs.

"Why not?"

...Well what the hell was  _that_  supposed to mean? No, no, he'll figure that out later. The real issue is, will he comply? Yes.  _No._  Aaron was drunk. But it was just a kiss! There's nothing wrong with just a kiss....but he can't. He shouldn't. What would Aaron say if he was sober? Would he welcome it?  Would he push Hamilton away? No, he wouldn't do that. Goddammit, he doesn't know how Aaron would react normally. And besides, what happens if he remembers tomorrow morning? What happens if he regrets it? They work at the same office -- and they work well. It's not unusual for them to team up on a high-profile case. Would that make things weird? Would it screw up the way they work together? It's not like Aaron would avoid him for his sexuality -- being demisexual himself, it'd be a pretty hypocritical move to do so. But what if-- No, probably not. While he was purposely vague most of the time, at least Alex had gotten the secure sense that he and Burr were good friends. Or, it had been a secure sense until now.

It suddenly occurs to him that Aaron is staring at him expectantly. Oh shit, he hasn't answered yet, has he? How long has he been thinking? He can't kiss Aaron. It wouldn't be right.  _No-_  "I-....I mean, y-..... _sure???"_

The alarm registers as soon as the words leave his mouth. _What did I just say?!_ Alex resists the urge to simultaneously groan, roll his eyes, and hide his face in his hands. _Why did I say yes?!_ _That wasn't supposed to happen!_ Instead, Alex watches as Burr lights up, a small smile gracing his features, and Alex's insides melt again. He's not sure when they move closer, but they must at some point, because suddenly Aaron is mere inches in front of him. Arms slowly slide around his neck, and with a rush of embarrassment Alex finds himself flustered, unable to look up at Aaron's face. "Alex?" He manages a glance up at Burr before his eyes fall down again. "Is this good?" Aaron murmurs, voice obscenely low from how quiet the words are. "Is this okay?" Alex just nods, swallowing from the proximity.

_"...Yes."_

His head is tilted up, and the next thing he knows, lips are pressing gently against his own. It's a soft touch, a hesitant touch, one that carefully pushes as it searches for a boundary. It hasn't been reached yet, and as soon as Alex processes what's happening he kisses back with more force, more energy. Aaron responds just as well, the arms around Alex's neck tightening, pulling him closer. Heat blooms between them, their energy, their bodies until they have to pull away for air.

As they both pant for air, Alex is pleasantly surprised by how warm Aaron's lips are. 

Suddenly the lips are back on his, and he's gripping Burr tighter as they kiss again. The world spins, and then it's all too soon that they're pulling away once more. Aaron rests his forehead against Alex's, and when Alex looks up he finds he's suddenly replaced his definition of Best Sight Ever. Instead of his past favorite -- which entailed Burr's gentle and controlled movements around a courtroom and the passionate glint he got in his eye as he brought down their final point -- Alex finds himself entranced by the way Aaron looks up at him through his eyelashes, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. Alex swallows, restraining himself from diving back in with another kiss.

Oh, this was  _so_  not fair.

"Alex?"

Aaron is looking at him, eyes wide and curious. "What're y'thinking about?" Blinking, Alex realizes he must have spaced out again. Shit, he can't say what. Shit, what does he say, what does he do what does he-

"Uh-- nothing. Just...it's late. You've been falling asleep ever since we got in the taxi." He gives a weak smile, reluctantly stepping away from Burr. "I should probably head out then, huh? I mean, got you home okay, there's really no more reason for me to stay put-" He pauses as Aaron sighs, letting out a hum.

"..You're right. S'pose you should prob'ly go home now." He smiles softly, holding back a yawn as he does so. "Go home safe, okay?"

"Ah, you know me. Nobody'd wanna kidnap me. I'm too annoying."

The soft smile returns, and Alex takes in the two seconds it's visible before Aaron turns to settle on his bed.

"You j'st talk too much." And with that, Aaron slides into bed, pulling his comforter up over his head with a sigh. Alex waits a moment or two to see if he'll say anything else. In the absence of any other words, he turns to leave.

"Hey, Hamilton?"

Alex freezes, turning back to see Burr. He hasn't moved (thank God), still wrapped up in his comforter and all but fighting to keep his eyes open.

"You kiss nice."

For the second time that night, Alexander Hamilton finds himself at a loss for words.

After a moment, he manages a hesitant, "Thank..you?" Burr manages a positive hum, still sounding sleepy as he snuggles back down into the depths of his comforter.

"Yer welc'me," he murmurs. "Thought y'should know." And with that he sighs, a soft snore a minute later indicating that he's fallen asleep. Alex is stuck for a moment, waiting to be sure that Aaron has actually fallen asleep. When he doesn't stir, Alex carefully backs out, slowly pulling the door shut. As soon as it clicks, he sighs, forehead falling against the wood with a slight thump. Burr. Goddammit, goddamn _fucking_ Burr, being infuriating and adorable and _goddamn unnattainable--_

Breathe, Alex.

Hamilton forces himself to stop, forces himself to think.  _You kiss nice._  The memory makes his heart skip, brings heat to his face. He had kissed Burr. He had kissed  _Aaron Burr_ , and it had been wonderful. Lost for just a moment, his heart soars, and a stupid, giddy grin splits the stoic expression on his face.  _Goddammit, Burr--_

_He didn't mean it, though._

And there's the voice of reason, right on time.

_He didn't mean it. He always says stupid stuff when he gets drunk enough._

The smile fades. True, whenever Aaron gets drunk, he gets looser -- it was a plus side of bar nights. Smiles are more genuine, his eyes light up with energy, laughs are easier to get out. It's great to see him come out of his shell. But along with his rigid self-expression, Aaron also loses a bit of his coherency. _Remember that time he argued that the world was flat?_ Alex winces slightly at the memory.  _Yeah. He went off for 20 minutes. And then he almost looked ready to cry when John told him the world was round._

His brain has a point. Drunk and sleepy Aaron didn't make a good mix, especially when it came to saying things. Part of Alex wants to hope that it's not just the alcohol, that Burr actually meant it when he said that, that those smiles and that spark meant something a bit more. But then the rest of his brain shuts him down. Damn logic. That was the problem with having a brain that didn't shut up. But still......it would be nice to imagine.

_You kiss nice._

Alex shakes his head.

_He doesn't mean it._

It was time to go. Forcing himself to focus on the real issue here, Alex gets to work. He's sure to pull two water bottles out of the fridge, leaving one on the kitchen table with an open box of teabags he pulled from the cupboard and a hastily scrawled note (  _"Aaron-- you didn't do any stupid shit last night. James made us play nice.  - Alex"_  ). The other goes back to Aaron's room, left on his nightstand with some Tylenol scrounged up from the depths of the cupboard. With that done, he recovers his keys and wallet from the table, although probably lagging back for a bit longer than necessary. Run through the mental list again -- had he taken care of everything? Aaron was asleep, tea was left out, water on the nightstand-- oh, the curtains. He quickly goes over to the window, tugging them closed before turning back to the room. Curtains...check. Well, that was the last thing on the list, wasn't it? Everything was taken care of. No more reason to stick around.

...Yeah, he's been here long enough.

So with a sigh, he takes one last look around, scanning for any forgotten tasks before showing himself out. The front door shuts behind him, lock clicking into place, and Alex glances back at the door before finally letting his hand slip off the knob.

That was it, then. Everything was back to the way it should be.

Alex shakes his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose to relieve some of the dull ache beginning to throb in his skull. Looks like Burr wouldn't be the only one with a headache at wakeup. He casts one more glance at the door before walking away, pulling his jacket tighter and wondering if he could manage one more drink before turning in.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me at my tumblr: [@Schmilliam](https://schmilliam.tumblr.com/)


End file.
